About two months ago after a pretty mediocre day at work, I came to a realisation. You know the ones. One of those crystal clear moments where the world you see sudden changes. Like the epiphany toilet in scrubs. This moment for me was my career and what I have done with my life up until that point. Man, what I saw wasn’t great.
It went from endless opportunities and potential to settling and finally onto complacency. I looked at myself and I only saw an overweight guy with no passion. I couldn’t see any good in me. As we all do in these moments, we look to the past. Back in the time, we were better, fitter or happier. We want to back to that person. I sure did, but here comes the hard pill to swallow. The god damn honest truth of it all.
You will never be that person again. No matter how hard to try. That version of you is dead and buried. They are gone.
But, back to my moment. I realised all that shit, hating myself and wanting to go back and be that guy. It took me a moment, actually, it took me many bloody moments to get over it and let it go. But when I did, oh boy something great happened. A huge weight lifted, I realised that person was gone and I am only who I am now. What I want to be and who I want to be must come from the person I am now, not some idealised version of who I used to be.
I was a clean slate, the pressure of being someone I am not left me, the weight of my memories and hatred towards myself, kind of just pissed off. It was fantastic.
I sat down, took a deep breath and went.
“What do I want to do? Me right now.”
The answer was to make coffee, but I came back and asked myself the question again and I got an answer, a real answer.
“I want to do yoga.”
That moment I got up, grabbed a mat and pulled my unflexible body up and did it. It was hard and I could barely move, but I did it. More so I enjoyed it. I spent everyday doing yoga. This brought me to a great conclusion. I love yoga, I love how it changed me, how it is making me fitter and more so, how it is helped me be a happier guy. I made a decision to get as good as I can get and do what I can to be able to teach yoga. I will pass it forward as they say.
This is who I am, this is who I want to be and this is my new dream, created by the person I am now and nothing more. The road will be hard and yes I will fall over, get frustrated and need to sacrifice. But nothing worthwhile comes easily.
Namaste fuckers. Have a glorious one